Link to the Nun Study Wikipedia page. If you want more info past the wiki, give it a google. It’s a reasonably famous study, so finding online articles shouldn’t be too arduous.

I love psych experiments like the Nun study. They don’t solve or cure anything, just sort of unravel weird quirks of human functioning that make us seem both more mysterious AND more like second-rate science projects built by a hungover god two hours before deadline. It’s just such an odd indicator. Who would have thought that your preference for adverbs and dependent clauses would be predictive to whether or not your brain is going to rot out from under you 50 years down the road?

Well, time to become an even sloppier, wordier writer I guess. SUCKS TO BE YOU GUYS.

<3 Mike

It’s true! I guess! Or is it?!

<3 Mike

If you’re too lazy to Google it (you jerk), here is a decent summary of the horse meat legality changes in the U.S. If you’re even to lazy to click out (god damn you what happened to you in your life to make you such a shit?), the basic deal is that while I think it was always legal to eat horse meat (or prepare it I guess in restaurants or other food-processing places) in the states, until now it wasn’t legal to have horse slaughterhouses on U.S. soil. Interestingly, the slaughterhouse ban was a fairly new law, I think only existing after 2007. I’m not sure what was so different about 20o7 than now in regards to it being okay to kill something for food, but I’m sure it had something to do with politicians needing to say words so they could stay in office.

<3 Mike

Tax time is coming. Are you ready?

Happy New Year’s everyone! May your miseries be tolerable and your triumphs be unending whirlwinds of contagious joy. Dana and I both love you very much and are very grateful for your readership over these last few years. We have a lot of fun with this comic, and are glad there are people out there who enjoy reading it.

I will be in Las Vegas this week for my annual-business-trip-to-hell, and once again my access to the internet will be a little scarce. I will actually have my laptop with me this time, so my overall silence shouldn’t be too bad. For our more chatty readers however, I apologize for my relative lack of talky-talky time.

<3 Mike

Zoop! More from our favorite troublemaker!

Sorry again for the late comic dear readers. Some mistakes were made with eggnog, painkillers, and a talking burro we met in Atlantic City, and we lost a little more productive time than we expected. (The burro claimed it could spin straw into gold, but actually it was an elaborate sleight-of-hoof that got us in a TON of trouble with the local chamber of commerce.)

<3 Mike

I know what you’re thinking. “But Mike and Dana, what if I get stuck in a holiday conversation I hate that ISN’T about having children? How do I get out of that iron maiden of shit?”

Don’t even worry about it! If it’s one thing we’re good at, it’s conjuring excuses to get out of things. Here’s a few of our favorites that should cover you for the rest of the holidays:

• If politics come up: Insist you’re for whatever party, candidate or law that lets you do the most drugs and engage in the most dangerous, loveless premarital sex. Then, walk over to the nearest fridge and start spooning mayo into your mouth with your bare fingers. With your mouth full of ‘naise, emphatically gurgle to whoever will listen that “Doin’ yoyo is the hottest thing all the drug sluts like.” Explain that if you eat it fast enough, you get something known as a “wicked butt erection,” which really helps with all your hazy, memoryless slutting. After that, offer no more explanations and just continue gorging on mayo until you are left alone or have to go puke.
• If  the direction of your career comes up: Claim that actually, you’ve been thinking about going to clown college. Then, stand up, straighten out and clap your arms tightly to your sides as if you were preparing to do a gymnastics routine. Begin the most repetitive dance you can, ideally something with a lot of hip-shimmying, and say over and over “I’m a gopher! I’m a gopher! I’m a gopher!” Repeat forever.
• If your singleness comes up: Casually mention that you’ve been living with a reasonably friendly ghost for a while now. Explain that it’s pretty cool for the most part, except for every once and a while it takes control of your body and makes you either continuously dig shallow ditches in your backyard or steal huge amount of oxycontins and taxidermy supplies and hide them in places you can’t remember. Then, force the loudest laugh you can and continue it until you can’t breathe anymore. NOTE: this response can also work if religion comes up!

You’re welcome everyone, and happy holidays!

<3 Mike

I’m not sure why, but Magneto’s powers have always seemed incredibly appealing to me. What I’d do if I had near-limitless magnetic powers:

• Quit my job
• Live the life

I know, talk about an elaborate power fantasy! You know me though, I’m nothing if not imaginative!

<3 Mike

Well now we know what really happened to all the Occupy camps …

“He’s a cyborg you idiot” might be the best line in all of film.

<3 Mike