Full body text of the newspaper clipping:

“Local slacker Colin Thompson, 29, died last night in an explosion that police are describing as “like the Fourth of July, if it could be caused a real rager of a fuck-party.” A&W root beer, Oreo cookies, and silly string were found heavily spread about the scene.

“It’s not yet known what caused the blast, though forensics experts believe the prostitutes “probably had it goin’ on.”

<3 Mike

“Burn” –Alkaline Trio