Tired at work? Here’s a few tricks I’ve learned on how to stay perky in the slave pens:

  • Drink a thimbleful of ammonia
  • Use bathroom breaks as an opportunity to briefly dislocate your shoulder. If someone complains about your agonized screaming, just claim diarrhea!
  • Get off your moral high-horse about cocaine use. Also Burmese ox amphetamines.

That’s all I’ve got, sorry! It’s not a long list, I know, but that’s the thing about staying awake: It all more or less comes down to torn ligaments and chemical abuse. At least in my experience anyway. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.

<3 Mike