I consider any comic that contains illustrated violence against children to be a pretty successful comic.

I was out to dinner with my girlfriend the other night, and we were eating at a place that contained entirely too many children. I don’t have anything against kids, but I do have a  problem with the horrid, diaphragm-emptying rat-cries they constantly puke out seemingly just for the validation of being able to suck air and make everyone else miserable at the same time. This restaurant, the size and shape of a small gymnasium, probably had 25-30 kids in it. Because of the flat walls and boxy frame of the building, even if one kid was screaming for just a second, it sounded like all kids were screaming all around you, all the time.

My girlfriend, being a person of above-average goodness/mental balance, was unbothered by the scream vortex we were sitting in. I, on the other hand, literally felt nauseous and dizzy by the end of the meal. This might strike you as a little childish and dramatic, to which I’d respond:

Yeah I guess so.

All the same though, at some point during dinner, probably before I became fully sound-poisoned by writhing yell-bags, I did ask my girlfriend the following question:

“Without repercussion, would you rather be able to punt a toddler like a soccer ball, once, or set off a single tear-gas grenade in a busy, child-filled restaurant?”

All I’ll say is that she didn’t necessarily appreciate the joke fully, although she also chose “tear gas,” so I consider the conversation a win overall. Which would you choose?

<3 Mike