Call me old-fashioned, but I think the best way to celebrate Christmas is with two children adding tuber phalli to their winter sculptures.

If you’re the type that partakes in Winter Jesus Day (not to be confused with Spring Jesus Day), I hope you have a nice one. If you don’t celebrate it, I hope you at least get to enjoy a few days off from work and the near-total shutdown of commerce. I always like it when everything closes down for a little while, not only because it gives me a rare feeling of connection to society through implicit mass participation in a shared ritual, which I always enjoy, but also because it indulges my inherent propensity for sloth. There is nothing better than being able to tell yourself, “Well, Best Buy and Pep Boys are closed today, I guess that’s a good excuse as any to not leave the house, let alone put on pants.”

<3 and happy holidays everyone,