Behold the the fifth excerpt from our monster survival fieldbook. We’re going to be releasing pages every Monday and Thursday in Oct., in honor of the year’s only demon-, mutant- and zombie-focused month. If you’re feeling saucy, or perhaps especially threatened by otherworldly terrors, you can cop a gander at the first page of our guide right here.

I n a world where the threat of doppelgangers is real, like it obviously is in ours, there is always the chance that you’ve already been bested by your evil clone and replaced. To see if you’re actually an evil clone of yourself, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do you still enjoy Internet videos about cats? Is the most thought-provoking article you’ve read in recent memory actually about the social bias against cat people?
  • Is “that’s what she said” still a semi-annoying meme and not a key phrase in any prayers, rituals or demon-appeasing sacrificial pageants that you’re aware of?
  • If Roadhouse happens to be on TV, do you have to watch it?

If you answered “yes” to all three of these questions, you’re probably in the clear. Less than that though, and I’d start looking around to see if you’re building an antimatter bomb or interdimensional portal/ham radio while you sleep.

<3 Mike