It looks like it’s one of Mr. Meatclown’s best pals, the Fried Guy! How EXCITING!

Seriously though guys, branding is no joke. Here are a bunch of other things I think could use more marketing oomph behind them:

  • Funeral services: I think it’s a sad statement on our culture when a family can be stuck with a corpse and not know where they can save 60 bucks or which funeral homes might be running a two-for-one special. Let’s get the message out there people! Throw some wacky-flailing arm guys up or get some President’s Day sales going or something.
  • The Homeless: Why should the property-impaired be a depressing reminder of our vulnerability towards addiction and mental illness? I say a nice promotional campaign involving T-shirts and chocolate bars imprinted with images of friendly vagrants would be a great way to make the homeless fun again. Something that says, “Hey, I may have any number of mental problems or desires to rape you right now, but if you give me three bucks I’ll tell you a fun story about why I need to take the bus for some reason!”
  • Religion: Why do some people still consider this a personal decision? Talk about stupid and anachronistic! How are people supposed to know what the best choice is if you don’t tell them? Sure, there are things like “Jesus is my homeboy” shirts and Veggie-Tales DVDs, but I think we can agree these are crass consumerist gropes at best. The religions of the world really need to step up their marketing game if they want to capture all thoseĀ  floating discretionary dollars out there. I’m talking way more aggressive branding, things like kid’s cereals (Popey-O’s anyone?), celebrity athlete endorsements (Hinduism: the source of Kobe Bryant’s power?) and some kind of Buddhism-centric collectible card game with cartoon and action-figure tie-ins. Then maybe people’s souls will actually have a chance of being safe.

You’re welcome world!

<3 Mike

SONGS FOR WEDS.: