This summer, one of America’s most beloved novels gets the big-budget blockbuster treatment! Staying as true to the source material as possible, the film covers all your favorite scenes, like:
- Billy’s whirlwind romance and courtship with suburban hellcat Valencia Merble
- That part in the prison camp where Billy and Roland fight back-to-back against the mechno-communists
- The sexy and surprisingly gory escape from the Tralfamadorian screw-prison
- Lots of green naked chicks
- And, as pictured above, Billy’s climatic showdown with his nemesis, Time-Hitler
Also, the whole movie is in 4-D and requires special glasses that screw into the back of your head. Each ticket will cost $32.95 and come with a free promotional 50 oz. Dr. Pepper and a small bottle of Lexapro to keep your heart from bursting from over-excitement.
<3 Mike
SONG FOR SUNDAY:
I completely want to see this.
When the glasses screw into the back of my head, can I take them off? Or am I stuck with 4D for the rest of my life?
You’re stuck with the glasses, but not the 4-D (that was only for the movie). It’s just like 3-D glasses away from the screen, except instead of a slight headache you get huge chunks of space and/or time sporadically appearing to tear off in screaming, jagged chunks, which of course always appear as if to impale you. Also, at points you may or may not be able to see the devil.
I actually think I’m okay with this.