(For those of you who haven’t seen the Iron Man 2 trailer yet, and thus don’t get most of the above jokes, you can watch it here.)

IRON MAN 2:Dear people trying to kill Iron Man: You’re probably going to have to do better than laser whips. In fact, I’m going to go ahead and say that a whip is actually the worst delivery method for laser that you could probably think of. Even something like a laser tennis ball would have been better, because, you know, you could throw it.

Also, I know you think it’s rad to walk around with no shirt and laser whips, but you might want to drop 200 bucks on a flak vest or steal a motorcycle helmet or something. Because, ignoring the fact that the guy you’re trying to kill is a super genius who wears a suit that is basically 50 percent guns, your cool whips and weird post-modern ponytail don’t make you bulletproof. Any cop not sleeping or fully drunk yet will shoot you to death as soon as someone shouts, “Hey Cop, there’s a guy with laser whips fucking around on the race track!”

Iron Man 2, again: A Formula One car can travel at speeds of 185-200 mph. There is more than one of them on the track. This is all I’m going to type on this subject.

Hipsters: Also not bulletproof, despite unfortunate haircuts and shirts that fit with comic poorness.

<3 Mike